5AM, my thoughts are too loud. No make up. Neon Pink Nailpolish. While my shirt indicates it’s 1984 I’m really just a girl making love to Richard Bone. It’s 1981.
You and I in a nutshell.
Los Angeles- December 2010. The Roxy Pose.
I don’t know but something today brought me back to this day. We went to a show at the Roxy on Sunset that Night and there was this..WOMAN…she just entered the club, paid absolutely NO attention to the show going on on stage and just made THIS face to the cameras of her two friends for at least 30 Minutes or so. It was…hilarious…we were a little embarrassed for her because she looked like the biggest fool AND bitch at the same time. However, we were majorly impressed and amused by her stupidity and confidence. Deserved or not! I had to impersonate her pose right away. Therefore this picture will forever be hilarious in its very own special way.
THIS.IS.NOT.MY.USUAL.FACE
But god knows I was happy back then. It was Twenty Ten, an amazing year was about to end and I was in Los Angeles with my sister and nothing hurt.
I think that, in a way, this emotional suicide was necessary. The last thing I wrote about you revolved around your death and me actually killing myself. It was so dark, so evil, so self destructive. I needed to kill us both in order to being able to breathe again after more than two years of a very slow, consistent massacre.
I can breathe now. I look at my new tattoo and I can breathe. I still hope, everyday, that this progression is real and not just a weird form of self protection. That I’m not just too scared to admit how much I still miss you…but you know, maybe everything is going to be just fine after all. Maybe I can go on without enduring your shoveling and willfully throwing me down, ‘cause I’m sure as hell not gonna miss that about you…
I think about the times I used to see you all the time. I think about them as a never ending stream of happiness and pain all shrouded in one single shot to the Head.
NY Impressions of the New Year. Two.
In Sleep. Ended 2011 with 62 Hauntings.
Always knew, always feared. Always knew you’d be leaving and disappear on me.
Creeps Night Out in Brooklyn.
Gotham- vandalized with your Absence.
“I couldn’t wait to let you go. Couldn’t wait to say goodbye” she lied, smiling. Always smiling.
‘If circumstances at work were different tonight, I wouldn’t be such a good girl.’ Confessions. Sweet confessions.
Just trying to get through my 7day working week without any damage. Baaiiiii.
“Let’s grab our bikes, ride down Melrose until we reach the corner of Crescent Heights, ride South until we hit West 3rd. Let’s get cheese, fruits, chocolate pretzel sticks and Tea Lemonade at Joan’s. Let’s sit down and watch people. Let’s bathe in happiness and smiles. Forget the anchors, freedom ahead.”
I miss this feeling.
And down that Louisiana hatch I go…
Just let me scream. All day. And all night. Let me silence everything else.
