3:21AM. Love me, Sing St. Love me.

The Phone rang about four times that Night. 3:20AM. First ring. I knew it was Him. Only he would ever call at this time of Night. My friends, when they were around and the phone would ring at this Hour, would always joke, saying how I had junkie friends who needed me to bring them more pills and booze or more snow. It became easy that way, not picking up in front of them, playing along. But I was never not sure that it was Him on the other side, always clean, alwas sober. 3:21AM. The phone had rung for about 3 times already. And this Night, I was alone.
“Hello.”
“You’re up.”
Our voices never raised at the end of a sentence when we started talking, there were never questions.
“I know.” I said.
I heard him sigh. “He’s not there.”
He could tell by my voice. It was clearer, felt safer somehow.
“Where are you?” This was my first question. It always was.
“Gone.”
“Gone…” I repeated.
“I wanted to let you know. Everything is going to be fine”
‘Everything is going to be fine’ kept ringing in my ear, the irony of this statement. It sounded familiar. It sounded crushing. And it hurt. I remembered then, it was one of the most used phrases when people called their folks, trapped in the burning Towers on 9/11.
“Are you there? Everything is going to be just fine.”
“I know.” I lied.
“Did he hurt you again?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care” The way I spoke didn’t exactly irritate him, as he was so used to it by now. But he still waited for me to go on. Only, I never would.
“For how long will you be gone?” Question two.
“Not sure.”
I knew how this worked. He had disappeared before. Only this time I knew, it would be dangerous. For him, for me. He would be going to a country, so foreign, so different. It wasn’t safe. It was not safe.
“Do you really wanna do this?”
“What do I have to lose?”
Sadness. So much sadness.
“You know no ones gonna be patting on your back, congratulating you on what a magnificent job you’ve done. You know there won’t be any cute girls waiting in line to be fucked by you.”
[Don’t go, please. I’m so scared of losing you. Don’t leave me here in this Town that is going to suffocate me when you’re not around]
“Everything is going to be fine”
[I’m not sure about anything anymore. And I just feel like I have to do this. Even though I’m scared. I have to do something]
“Stop. Stop saying that.”
[I miss you. I miss you.]
“I’m so sorry.”
[I wish you could come with me]
“No. No, you’re not.”
[You’re not sorry and I love you for it. You’re strong and I love you. I love you so much.]
He heard the key turn around in the door the same instant than I did.
“Be safe, you hear!?!” We both said. We meant it.
When I tossed my phone on the ground, the big bad man appearing next to my bed I hushed ‘I love you’.
And despite the fact that he thought I had meant him, the broken bottle of beer hit the left side of my face hard…